Feeders of the drunken college youth

Where would we be without you, Kimmel Dining Hall staff?

Most likely hungry, cold and wandering the mean streets of Syracuse in a drunken stupor in search of a place on Marshall Street that stays open past 2 a.m. Thanks to the brave souls who man the various fast-food eateries of Kimmel until the wee hours of the morning, this is not the case.

Their hospitality knows no bounds. Whether it’s taking orders from a horde of sorority pledges at Dunkin Donuts or swiping the SUpercard of a freshman who has decided to drown his sorrows in a Nacho Bell Grande after yet another unsuccessful night attempting to get laid, the Kimmel staff always does its job with a reassuring smile. Cheer up, kid – there’s always next weekend.

It takes a person of a certain caliber and moral character to deal with the incredible volume of students that pass through the doors of Kimmel every Friday and Saturday night. Perhaps they have some superhuman ability to decipher the slurred drunk-speech of the average college student. Or they have evolved to such a level that they have transcended the need to chastise them for showing up to their fine establishment inebriated.

No matter what the rhyme to their reason is, we thank you, Kimmel staff. Keep showing up to work, and we’ll keep coming, whether we remember it the next morning or not.