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Growing up in suburban Illinois, I went to church almost every Sunday with my family. And not just my immediate family either – we would meet up with my aunts, uncles and cousins at church too. For me, church was a family reunion.

Being raised Christian, I took my practice seriously. I read the Bible, prayed and happily went to church. I had been surrounded by Christians in my family and many of our family friends were Christian too. I had no reason to question the faith I had known.

But as I got to the end of middle school, I began to rethink my connection to the church and Christianity. It was the same year I realized I was queer and had an interest in women, and there was no denying that had led me to question the religion I had grown up with.

I knew how both my own small church and larger religious institutions felt about queer people. It was prevalent in the scriptures I was taught and sermons I attended. I was lucky, though, that my parents and friends never held the same anti-queer sentiment many others do. But I still wasn’t fully shielded from the homophobia that many churches present.

When I realized I was queer, I stopped going to church.

I struggled heavily with my religious identity, constantly feeling bad about the fact that I was queer while still considering myself a Christian. I felt like a hypocrite around some of my Christian family members for being a lesbian when they were so strong in the faith that they believed denied me the ability to be queer. I also worried that I was betraying the queer community by believing in a religion that has been used to persecute queer people.

This struggle was deepened by the fact that there wasn’t a prevalent group of religious queer people where I lived.

As time went on and I came out to my parents, they accepted and supported me wholeheartedly. One of the first things my dad said was that God still loved me no matter what.

Those words were really what I needed to hear, as what many churches and other Christians were saying was the opposite. One of my old friends even said that while God probably still loved me, I would never live a full and happy life in God’s eyes by being queer.

But that’s not true at all. The greatest discovery I made on my journey with my spirituality was finding the difference between being religious and being part of the Christian church; I realized that I could be queer and religious at the same time.

Cole Ross | Digital Design Editor

Many queer people who grew up within anti-queer religious institutions struggle with those two identities together, since, for many, the religious side of their life doesn’t align with their queerness. But the important thing to remember is that every single person’s relationship with their sexuality and with their religion is different.

For some people, leaving behind religion entirely helps them accept their identities. For others, myself included, reevaluating their religious experiences and beliefs can lead to a new understanding of the intersection between identities.

Finding a church that is open and accepting of various sexualities and gender identities may help some reconcile with their faith as a part of the queer community. But for me, distancing myself from the church was more helpful in understanding my beliefs.

Breaking off from the church itself and some of its less accepting teachings allowed me to focus on my own personal spirituality and connection with the Christian faith. This has led me to see that I identify more as an agnostic believer than strictly Christian.

As I’ve grown up and moved on to college, I’ve been able to learn even more about myself. Talking to my queer friends about their own religious identities and how those intersect with their queer identities has helped a lot too.

One of my friends struggled heavily with his transgender identity, especially in a conservative and religious town. He was surrounded by people from his old church that didn’t accept his identity until he came to college and found a community where he could discuss both his queer and past religious identity.

I discovered my queer identity years ago, but for many college students, it is a very recent discovery. Because of this, it is important to have an ongoing conversation with yourself and others about important topics such as the church and sexuality. And at Syracuse University there are plenty of community-focused queer and religious spaces. For example, the LGBTQ+ center on campus always has staff and peers willing to talk and SU offers courses that delve into religion and sexuality’s intersection such as Christianity and Sexuality or Queerly Religious.

While my experience may be different from the millions of other queer and religious people, it still tells my story of growth and acceptance. You may not go down the same path or come to the same conclusion as me, but your own journey will be just as beneficial and important.

Claire McBride is a freshman Magazine, News and Digital Journalism major. Her column appears bi-weekly. She can be reached at Cpmcbrid@syr.edu.

Published on March 20, 2024 at 11:40 pm